I’m Not Cool (Anymore)-The Minivan Controversy

I have had many friends over the years vehemently refuse to buy a minivan. Folks with 3 plus kids. Folks that are intelligent. Folks that can’t fit their whole family in a car-so they drive 2 cars, to the same place! Families that scream minivan. Why? Because they think that minivans will make them turn from being cool to not being cool. And I also have had several friends with kids give up in defeat and buy a minivan and resolve to be not cool anymore.

OK, listen closely, here comes the truth: If you have kids you aren’t cool anymore. No you’re not! NO YOU’RE NOT!

If you are married you are not cool, well, OK, you are somewhat cool because you can pretend you are not married, and because you don’t have kids yet, but this is just a transition stage. And if you are married WITH children, well, no, you are not cool. Single parent? You are not cool. There’s also an age where you move from cool to not cool even if you are not married and don’t have kids, but that is just creepy and not the point of this entry.

I am not cool. I have a minivan; in fact I have two mini vans, a purple one and a white one. I drive the white one. I may not be cool, but I am still a guy. But let’s be clear on this. It is NOT the minivan that makes me not cool! It is the 4 children and a wife! It is my twins laughing at me and not with me. It is my 2-yr old son asking me if I have a penis too, in public. It is my 9-month old spitting up on my shirt! Minivans have nothing to do with it.

I had this conversation with a co-worker a few years ago and she went on and on about rollin’ up in her SUV with the bling, bling rims and blah, blah, blah. If you park your pimped out SUV then strut to the back door, open it and pop out a kid. Well, guess what? You might think that you are cool, but you aren’t!

If you roll up in a Lamborghini heads will turn. You can be in the scene from Mission Impossible III, with the Asian chick with the hair and the red dress and the Italian sports car. You drive up, heads turn. You park and eyes are glued to you and your car. You open the door and your long, naked leg hits the pavement while sticking out of your skimpy, sexy red dress-heads will turn and mouths will open. You walk sexily to the other side of the car and open the door and bend over-there will be gasps-maybe even applause! You come up holding your 9-month old baby boy…Heads will turn alright, THE OTHER WAY! The applause will halt and people will smile with embarrassment and disappointment and many will laugh and shake their heads! Why? Yep, not cool.

You can be a cool mom or a cool dad and even a cool wife and cool husband. And guess what? I am a very cool dad and a somewhat cool husband! And you know what? There is nothing in the world cooler than having your kids, and sometimes your wife, think you are cool!

Like my friend Jeff said today on this topic: “I guess you can’t be cool and responsible at the same time.” EXACTLY. You can be young and single and cool-you have the whole world before you. Or you can be married with children-not cool anymore.

But here is the thing: Being married with children, well, that is the world in your hands.  Holding your 9-month old after you have all the spit cleaned up and having him recognize you as Dad and then he smiles real big and laughs…that is cool.

That’s cool.

-Durk-

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One response to “I’m Not Cool (Anymore)-The Minivan Controversy

  1. Derin, coolness is in the eye of the beholder. Stop letting Jamie Engelhardt tell you when you are and aren’t cool!

    Next time he calls you dummy, you hit him in the mouth with a chair – then we’ll see who’s cool and who’s not!

    If Jamie’s abuse isn’t what prompted this post, then I apologize to you and to Jamie, but mostly to you.

    Anyway, I drive a minivan and I am cool just fine. People that disagree are wrong. What’s cool about leaving on a holiday trip and trying to pack your wife and three kids into your Firebird like an idiot? Nothing, that is what!

    I had a truck once that was probably the sweetest vehicle I will ever own. When I got the kids I couldn’t afford it anymore and had to sell it. Would it be cool to be broke and ruining my relationships and finances just so people never find out I’m not cool? I think not!

    It is said, though, what people will sacrifice to supposedly hang on to their youth.

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